final countdown to 30apr

27 apr 14 sun
went back mil shop 2help her as fil said she was sick n fil hav been there since noon. she was feelin giddy. not 1st time in recent times, hope she’s alright.

i scrub é toilet 2day. was thinkin if thgs dun turn out well n i end up doin d&c or smthg else tat day, at least he hav a clean toilet 2use. same thg i m clearin é fridge, so in case i dun wake up, he got less thgs 2worry.

on wed, if there is no hb, i shall try 2cheer myself n mov on. no cryin will help. i kinda took very good care of myself already…

i still hav sm pull n 酸 feelin now n then. sore boobs, on n off…

btw we had a very good early dinner…

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28 apr 14 mon
i had very scary dreams juz b4 wakin up.. i dreamt that i went 4scans outside of kk n the doc or sonographer could not find é bb… n i think i repeat é scan at another place n é same thg happened.. so scary!!

this morng it was rainy, let’s see if é rain continues in é west…

sm cramps in é noon, sm yellow discharge, a funny nausea feelin tat goes away with food… 1 day passed. last workin day b4 é scary aptm…

in é evenin i feel my boobs r less sore already… so sad… 1 more workin day n i can start holdin my breath for é 死刑.

29 apr 14 tue
i m so scared. it’s end of day already… i m on way 2tak mrt hm. prayin very hard bb is well in tml scan. but i dun feel pregnant now. less sore boobs n no more funny twigs at stomach…

i still hav é extreme fatigue feel.. most of é time…

30 apr 14 wed
today is é day! i almost hav no sore boobs when i woke this morn…

there is hb, cling on 2our hope till 17 may.

é scan at kk amc was done by a non local chinese lady with another lady helpin her… she saw é sac, fetal pole, n yolk. i din see dr tan hh, i saw a mo n she said i m discharged from kk ivf liao… i will stay with dr tan hh for now, till we get to a later stage… he feels very amazed at é hb even though i m very sceptical of wat will happen nex…

we headed 2lunch @é mall near ofc n tried smthg intg n new… cold storage 2buy sm food 4é ofc n return 2ofc 2work… when i alight from é car, i streched a bit 2reach for a grocery bag. i felt so worried aft tat, i muz not do thgs tat i will regret again… é whole of noon is tired n nausea… i m contemplatin if i should go for 2nd opinion 4more scans…

3.25 days 2é amc scan..

i m so so scared of é nex visit… wat if there is no hb or no sac @all. terrified 2even think…

i went 2é mkt this morn 2get corrainder n sm groceries.

i m so sleepy n havin a tight chest 2day. even my fav porridge can’t cheer me up. he wok lik 4pm n we had é lady m cakes… yum n fillin. he is always in toilet for a long long tim lik now. haiz…

fri-gf meetin & jay concert tkts buyin!

i read more on binucleated pregnancy. looks like 18% life birth. omg..

n today is jay’s tkt sales date, i got é tkts at 10.10am, sales start 10am. n i bought it via mobile! i kinda feel sportshub system r better then sistic, at least in divertin traffic. or mayb he got less fans now. anyway i juz wan 2b there. i hope he got lesser n lesser fans here n he returns 4more indoor concert yearly. i will still buy tkts jus 2listen 2him…

it’s 8nov. i really wish junior will b with us in my tummy n rockin with jay at then. but i can only wish. i m so scare 2go nex week scan. i dun know how 2digest é news. apparently it’s called amc clinic scan…

i read more blogs n j blog over n over again. i muz b strong.

met my 2bff @nite, i din tell them abt é hcg test.. mayb i will tell them aft é whole thg.. i juz told them i went back on thurs n dt thh said no et that day.

é din was nice n i could eat a lot.. esp meat. i had tenderloin, yumzz @medium well.
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hm by 10pm, shower n juz dozed off shortly in our room.

wakin up late on thur

i m on é train around town stn by 7.38am, not so bad.. but i did wok up late lik at 7am today.. i actually wok @3am++ 2pee n took a while 2go back 2sleep…

n last night, i tested hpt again juz 2b sure, n i decided not 2go 4é health screenin on fri, juz in case they can identify from deptm.

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today’s train is quiet, i can jus stand around n watch out of é window.

keep urself buzy 2day, dun think of é whatif. n get food coz i m hungry!

i hav funny twitches in é noon, on right. so worried it might b etopic pregnancy. he said he is not happy at work, got backstabbed. i din know wat happen, feel so bad as i was super tired last few days n din talk 2him too much. i also worry if it also signs é bb nv brg us good luck… i m on my way hm with sm food 2cook din. he can tell me slowly wat happened @hm…

on mrt hm, i saw two shameless men grabbin é reserve n normal seats é moment they get on mrt. dressed in shirt but behave like auntie… pui…

1week 2nex kk aptm

i m really feelin panickin, please let there b light @end of é tunnel… dar dar was sayin last night no matter wat happens nex wed we shall not pin high hopes. juz b grateful there is improvem!

opps i m seatin in é mrt n on é reserve seats smore… hohoho. i m goin 2redeem é mcd coffee later n buy a ham egg cheese mcffin or another ala-cart item 4brkfast.

busy morn with deptm meetin, noon minutes writin n town hall!

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finally 6pm, it looks threatenin 2rain, i hurried out quickly n m on mrt hm. crowded n no seats @all! i had a good gossip session with H 2day aft boss left.. but all on my mind is wat’s goin 2happen nex wed. is dr tan hh goin 2tell me 2do d&c already coz no heart beat? or i wun even last till nex wed. i m so scared this embryo wun hold…

i dun know how 2tell her i wan 2tak HL for d&c… how 2explain..

steppin in2 tue

2day is orientatñ day! i m on mrt early again, 2avoid any kan cheong rush 2é ofc..

now i wish there r seats, but they r so precious. i m tryin 2avoid walkin 2much n runnin, so tat no matter wat happens i wun hav regrets…

in é end there was a seat, for like 2stops… é orientatñ is interesting, good 2get away from work smtim.. i left later lik 6.40pm today, yawns.. é kitty cam back 2welcom us 2work today!
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i still keep thinkin of nex wed.

this mon 21apr

é more i read abt smh é more i fear… i can’t wait 4nex wed 2arrive.

it happened tat bil will b passin by spore as well. even if smthg is not right, we will still hav 2go meet him with all smiles!!

i m on mrt 2work now, looks lik there will b no seats. i kinda left hm earlier so that i wun b rushin at all. i still hav 2walk all é way in2 é ofc. i did imagine of this pregnancy is viable n i feel tired to walk, i will tak cab 2bus stop n tak bus all é way hm. let me continue 2imagine…

é usually white n gray kitty is not at é usual spot 2day… i wonder if it lost track of time coz of é holiday.

finally it’s 6pm, i went hm n walk slowly 2é bus stop… bus then mrt 2bugis, bought my vdl skincare n collected é gifts… he fetch me@bugis n we went 2beach rd 4din, but opps it’s closed 4washin… so we changed locñ n had western food @é lavender cfe shop.. yummy but not fillin.

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i hav been tryin 2catch up on é thgs i din stock up durin 2ww, wither coz of flu, sore throat n lack of faith. food lik durians n chicken essence…
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at least i got no regrets, watever happens nex wed. btw i applied 4half day leave for 30apr liao…

wakin up to 20apr

1d past bt (14dp4dt), i din really believe anythg till i saw é clearblue digital hpt…

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i told my whatsapp fren yest abt é et n bt..  feel bad not keepin them informed, but i really wasn’t ready 2share.

bought 2digital hpt last night, i will test again b4 i go 4scannin, juz 2b prepared.

i m goin 2wak up n cook congee later!

i finished é morn insert, rest for another hour n wok 2start cookin n do laundry. looks like goin 2rain soon, cloudy day…

i napped for a while n finish laundry, porridge for him n was surfin net for leads that i hav 2work on tml when i go back 2work.

i m goin 2check é calendar n let boss know i need 2tak medical leave nex wed. in any case hope i get 2go 2é scan nex wed. u never know.

din @my much craved kimchi restaurant n enjoyed è instant coffee very much! we actually ordered é same thg as last time. i was tellin him we can cum once a mth. totally luv é toufu seafood soup. nex tim i will write no crab n octopus…
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as i read more abt ivf bfp i got more scared. looks like a lot of blighted ovum n chemical pregnancy. he says dun think too much juz tak 1step @a time… i really hope 4a healthy bb due in dec. healthy twins will b great too!

sun shoppin

i saw more pink n red @night n i told him all about neg hpt n how 2face nex sat… he said it’s ok n let’s face it…

we went to bugis n check/shop 4é thgs i need… 1st was din @crystal jade viet café, not bad n 1 noodle cost lik sgd7.9++, good price!

nex is kino 4é biz mag browsin, vdl shoppin n ended up i bought more thgs than i tot i would. é total bill is sgd92, one powder brow kit, 1 brow duo brush n a liquid eye liner w/sponge tip. é sales promoter @é store was really helpful n positive, she recommended on how we can use é products n tools in a very pratical way…

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while i know i will see more red as we go on 2later this week, i muz breath n keep goin!!

it’s mon!!

i m already on é train! it’s 07:55, hope a good road lies ahead. aft tanjong pagar, most of é crowd is gone!

we talk more last nite at bedok mall, on é chances n i told him aft readin many thesis from famous universities, it’s is even lower than normal…

he say we should not pin too much hope.

reached early, am startin my day with this milo!
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