final countdown to 30apr

27 apr 14 sun
went back mil shop 2help her as fil said she was sick n fil hav been there since noon. she was feelin giddy. not 1st time in recent times, hope she’s alright.

i scrub é toilet 2day. was thinkin if thgs dun turn out well n i end up doin d&c or smthg else tat day, at least he hav a clean toilet 2use. same thg i m clearin é fridge, so in case i dun wake up, he got less thgs 2worry.

on wed, if there is no hb, i shall try 2cheer myself n mov on. no cryin will help. i kinda took very good care of myself already…

i still hav sm pull n 酸 feelin now n then. sore boobs, on n off…

btw we had a very good early dinner…

image

image

28 apr 14 mon
i had very scary dreams juz b4 wakin up.. i dreamt that i went 4scans outside of kk n the doc or sonographer could not find é bb… n i think i repeat é scan at another place n é same thg happened.. so scary!!

this morng it was rainy, let’s see if é rain continues in é west…

sm cramps in é noon, sm yellow discharge, a funny nausea feelin tat goes away with food… 1 day passed. last workin day b4 é scary aptm…

in é evenin i feel my boobs r less sore already… so sad… 1 more workin day n i can start holdin my breath for é 死刑.

29 apr 14 tue
i m so scared. it’s end of day already… i m on way 2tak mrt hm. prayin very hard bb is well in tml scan. but i dun feel pregnant now. less sore boobs n no more funny twigs at stomach…

i still hav é extreme fatigue feel.. most of é time…

30 apr 14 wed
today is é day! i almost hav no sore boobs when i woke this morn…

there is hb, cling on 2our hope till 17 may.

é scan at kk amc was done by a non local chinese lady with another lady helpin her… she saw é sac, fetal pole, n yolk. i din see dr tan hh, i saw a mo n she said i m discharged from kk ivf liao… i will stay with dr tan hh for now, till we get to a later stage… he feels very amazed at é hb even though i m very sceptical of wat will happen nex…

we headed 2lunch @é mall near ofc n tried smthg intg n new… cold storage 2buy sm food 4é ofc n return 2ofc 2work… when i alight from é car, i streched a bit 2reach for a grocery bag. i felt so worried aft tat, i muz not do thgs tat i will regret again… é whole of noon is tired n nausea… i m contemplatin if i should go for 2nd opinion 4more scans…

Advertisements

3.25 days 2é amc scan..

i m so so scared of é nex visit… wat if there is no hb or no sac @all. terrified 2even think…

i went 2é mkt this morn 2get corrainder n sm groceries.

i m so sleepy n havin a tight chest 2day. even my fav porridge can’t cheer me up. he wok lik 4pm n we had é lady m cakes… yum n fillin. he is always in toilet for a long long tim lik now. haiz…

fri-gf meetin & jay concert tkts buyin!

i read more on binucleated pregnancy. looks like 18% life birth. omg..

n today is jay’s tkt sales date, i got é tkts at 10.10am, sales start 10am. n i bought it via mobile! i kinda feel sportshub system r better then sistic, at least in divertin traffic. or mayb he got less fans now. anyway i juz wan 2b there. i hope he got lesser n lesser fans here n he returns 4more indoor concert yearly. i will still buy tkts jus 2listen 2him…

it’s 8nov. i really wish junior will b with us in my tummy n rockin with jay at then. but i can only wish. i m so scare 2go nex week scan. i dun know how 2digest é news. apparently it’s called amc clinic scan…

i read more blogs n j blog over n over again. i muz b strong.

met my 2bff @nite, i din tell them abt é hcg test.. mayb i will tell them aft é whole thg.. i juz told them i went back on thurs n dt thh said no et that day.

é din was nice n i could eat a lot.. esp meat. i had tenderloin, yumzz @medium well.
image

hm by 10pm, shower n juz dozed off shortly in our room.

wakin up late on thur

i m on é train around town stn by 7.38am, not so bad.. but i did wok up late lik at 7am today.. i actually wok @3am++ 2pee n took a while 2go back 2sleep…

n last night, i tested hpt again juz 2b sure, n i decided not 2go 4é health screenin on fri, juz in case they can identify from deptm.

image

today’s train is quiet, i can jus stand around n watch out of é window.

keep urself buzy 2day, dun think of é whatif. n get food coz i m hungry!

i hav funny twitches in é noon, on right. so worried it might b etopic pregnancy. he said he is not happy at work, got backstabbed. i din know wat happen, feel so bad as i was super tired last few days n din talk 2him too much. i also worry if it also signs é bb nv brg us good luck… i m on my way hm with sm food 2cook din. he can tell me slowly wat happened @hm…

on mrt hm, i saw two shameless men grabbin é reserve n normal seats é moment they get on mrt. dressed in shirt but behave like auntie… pui…

1week 2nex kk aptm

i m really feelin panickin, please let there b light @end of é tunnel… dar dar was sayin last night no matter wat happens nex wed we shall not pin high hopes. juz b grateful there is improvem!

opps i m seatin in é mrt n on é reserve seats smore… hohoho. i m goin 2redeem é mcd coffee later n buy a ham egg cheese mcffin or another ala-cart item 4brkfast.

busy morn with deptm meetin, noon minutes writin n town hall!

image

finally 6pm, it looks threatenin 2rain, i hurried out quickly n m on mrt hm. crowded n no seats @all! i had a good gossip session with H 2day aft boss left.. but all on my mind is wat’s goin 2happen nex wed. is dr tan hh goin 2tell me 2do d&c already coz no heart beat? or i wun even last till nex wed. i m so scared this embryo wun hold…

i dun know how 2tell her i wan 2tak HL for d&c… how 2explain..

steppin in2 tue

2day is orientatñ day! i m on mrt early again, 2avoid any kan cheong rush 2é ofc..

now i wish there r seats, but they r so precious. i m tryin 2avoid walkin 2much n runnin, so tat no matter wat happens i wun hav regrets…

in é end there was a seat, for like 2stops… é orientatñ is interesting, good 2get away from work smtim.. i left later lik 6.40pm today, yawns.. é kitty cam back 2welcom us 2work today!
image

i still keep thinkin of nex wed.

this mon 21apr

é more i read abt smh é more i fear… i can’t wait 4nex wed 2arrive.

it happened tat bil will b passin by spore as well. even if smthg is not right, we will still hav 2go meet him with all smiles!!

i m on mrt 2work now, looks lik there will b no seats. i kinda left hm earlier so that i wun b rushin at all. i still hav 2walk all é way in2 é ofc. i did imagine of this pregnancy is viable n i feel tired to walk, i will tak cab 2bus stop n tak bus all é way hm. let me continue 2imagine…

é usually white n gray kitty is not at é usual spot 2day… i wonder if it lost track of time coz of é holiday.

finally it’s 6pm, i went hm n walk slowly 2é bus stop… bus then mrt 2bugis, bought my vdl skincare n collected é gifts… he fetch me@bugis n we went 2beach rd 4din, but opps it’s closed 4washin… so we changed locñ n had western food @é lavender cfe shop.. yummy but not fillin.

image
image

i hav been tryin 2catch up on é thgs i din stock up durin 2ww, wither coz of flu, sore throat n lack of faith. food lik durians n chicken essence…
image
at least i got no regrets, watever happens nex wed. btw i applied 4half day leave for 30apr liao…